Thank You India, Thank You 0~>9, Thank You Disillusionment, Thank you.

Gratitude.  I am in a state of gratitude.  Isn’t it ironic (don’t ya think?) how situations come around in life that show you, through your own experience in life, the answers for other experiences that you had no answers for?  That’s a confusing rhetorical question I know, but, some of you may understand it.  I have found, that in life, if you are awake and paying attention as well as self reflecting and taking a true honest look at yourself, you find the answers to most of the things that you never understood about certain situations in your life.   The past week  has been one of those for me.

A year ago Tuesday, Valentine’s Day, someone very special to me and I started what we thought was a Twin Flame romance.  Perhaps it was and we just weren’t ready.  Perhaps it was a false flame.  There are days, especially in the past, where I have thought one or the other after experiencing some things and not understanding some actions.   The past week, I came into a realization, after moving on in my life, a new understanding of actions, comments, and even myself during that time.  There was a time when I thought this person actions were irresponsible.  Now, I see how they were perhaps one of  the most responsible things you could do.   Thank you.  It’s unfortunate that I allowed my hurt, pain and fear from the events to poison so many things.  I see who I was and what I was doing.  I also see the point… it led me.  It taught me.  It brought me, to something so much greater.  Thank you.   It brought me to India.  It brought me to Bhakti.  It brought me to the truest of understandings that my Twin Flame and Beloved is the universe.  Sharing that with another will, one day, be a great experience, if I choose to engage in that.  Right now, I choose to be with my Beloved universe and revel in the beauty of spirit, without a romantic relationship.   For the first time ever, in my life, I completely understand that and the reasons, and revel in the beauty of finally coming into loving and valuing oneself enough to give what I have given to so many in my life, to me.   It may sound narcissistic.  It may sound selfish.  But if you cannot love yourself truly and authentically, you cannot give your love to another.

Thank you India.  Thank you Bhakti.  Thank you my guru’s.  Thank you  music.  Thank you Hindu.  Thank you universe.  Thank you disillusionment.  Thank you fear.  Thank you pain.  Thank you broken hearts from the past.  Thank you choices.  Thank you irresponsibility.  Thank you blame.  Thank you understanding.  Thank you ah-ha moments.  Thank you Divinity.  Thank you 0~>9.  Thank you Steve B.  Thank you Steve W.  Thank you KS.  Thank you AZ.  Thank you NM.  Thank you CO.  Thank you. Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank You by Alanis Morissette

Writer: A. MORISSETTE G. BALLARD

How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I’m filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots
How about that ever elusive kudo

[Chorus]
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time

[Chorus]

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping

[Chorus]

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